This is part three of Beyond The Magic. The purpose of the Beyond The Magic storytelling project is to highlight the full experiences and humanity of Black women; beyond our magic and beyond the expectations of others. Interested in contributing to this project? Let’s connect!

How do you define Black Girl Magic?

Black Girl Magic is what makes us unique and unlike any other ethnic/gender group. We are the sparkle in society. The stars, the light, the dark sky. We are radiant.

Describe a time when you felt the need to shrink yourself or code-switch to mentally or physically survive.

I'm used to being the only Black woman in a lot of the spaces I occupy. I grew up in a town that's less than 3% Black, and even now in my PhD program, I'm the only Black person. There's always this double conscious awareness of how I present to others. I feel like I can't ever fully be myself when I'm at school or work because there's this concern that I'll say something stupid and that it’s not just me who isn't worthy but all Black people. I work to prove that I belong. So, like if I belong, then that means the misconceptions about Black people are wrong. Sometimes I'm harder on myself than I need to be in that I want to be seen as smart enough, so I'll try to avoid using slang as if my use of "aint" and "y'all" is indicative of my abilities.

What does it look like to hold space for grief?

I think there needs to be space for Black women to feel and acknowledge their pain. Sometimes the phrase "you're so strong" isn't a compliment. It's okay to let someone know that they can cry in front of you, or that it's okay to take a day off. This is something that I'm okay with doing for others, but I personally need to do this with myself more.

What does it look like to hold space for joy?

Holding space for joy is complicated nowadays in that there is so much pain going on in our nation and for some of our personal lives. I think it's fine to say that "I am joyful today" and that should be celebrated. Life isn't always meant to be in the dumps. It's good to rise up and feel joy.

Pause and think about all the stereotypes, expectations, or assumptions placed on Black women. What do you want to say to counter those stereotypes/expectations/assumptions? What's your truth?

Stereotypes are stupid, and they should have been thrown out the metaphorical window a long time ago. I don't fulfill many of the expectations imposed upon Black women and neither do many other Black women I know. My truth is that I suck at dancing and have no rhythm. I'm not a good braider. I'm one of the nicest people you could meet and wouldn't describe myself as having an attitude. I'm also pretty funny and down to earth. God is creative. Trust, he's not going to make a whole group of people the same personalities

"I am home when..."

I am home when I don't think about how I present.

"Love is..."

Love is patient, kind, not jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of wrong. It does not rejoice about injustice. Love never gives up. It is always hopeful. (1 Corinthians 13).

What words of wisdom would you give to your childhood self?

I would tell my childhood self that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me and that my Blackness is enough. Growing up around white peers made me feel like I wasn't adequate. I realize now that my body shape and hair are absolutely beautiful. I also felt like I wasn't Black enough because I liked "white" music, movies, and shows. I was made fun of a lot by my family because they thought I talked white and would call me "white girl." I realize now that my interests didn't make me any less Black; there isn't one cookie cutter version on how all Black girls have to act.

What words of wisdom do you think your childhood self would give to you now?

I think my childhood self would tell me to occupy my space. I find myself shrinking back a lot to please people or to appear a certain way. I miss my little girl self who honestly didn't have much of a filter and did whatever she felt. I've constricted myself a lot since then.