This is part four of Beyond The Magic. The purpose of the Beyond The Magic storytelling project is to highlight the full experiences and humanity of Black women; beyond our magic and beyond the expectations of others. Interested in contributing to this project? Let’s connect!

How do you define Black Girl Magic?

Black Girl Magic is the ability Black girls have to make IT happen! Whatever we put our minds to, we find a way to make it happen for ourselves and others. Our versatility, capability, and FLEX-ability are phenomenal—word to Momma Angelou. We're just fly, and there's a style and a wonder to everything we do and how we do. That's the magic.

How do you define Black Excellence?

Black Excellence is the ability Black people have to succeed no matter how many obstacles are placed in our way. There are so many things against Black people in this country and in this world yet we persevere and still try our best everyday. No matter what that looks like and that could be you have a 4 or 5 degrees, opening your own business, or making it happen everyday for you and/or your family to have all you need. We stand on the shoulders of giants and carry such a rich history of people who fought for themselves and their right to live just as well as anyone else despite everything and everyone else telling them they shouldn't or couldn't. We are a people who pursue excellence no matter what stands in our way.

Describe a time when you felt the need to shrink yourself or code-switch to mentally or physically survive.

There was a relationship for me where I allowed myself to feel small. I was with a person who I thought was going to be my husband for sure and because I wanted that so badly and wanted to feel chosen by someone, I was willing to put up with mistreatment just to have someone. I struggled so long with feelings of unworthiness and had suffered through failed relationship after failed relationship that I felt like I mentally couldn't take another one so I decided to make myself and my wants as small as possible and allow my partner to take up all of the space because at least he was there. This of course did nothing but worsen my view of myself, but I think it's strange yet real the lengths we will go to just to feel accepted and "loved" by someone. Not just relationships but spaces we occupy where all we want to feel is included and accepted because the other choice of possibly feeling/being alone seems too big of a burden to bear.

What does it look like to hold space for grief?

I think it means to let yourself feel whatever we need to feel when we need to feel it and not feel sorry for it. We can be too quick to tell ourselves that we have to get over things, especially as Black women. To toughen ourselves. We're not allowed much space to be soft so we have to give ourselves that space. God speaks to there being a time to grieve and that's a human experience. Even Jesus wept so we too have to grasp on to that very natural feeling of loss and not just of people but things, moments in time, places, etc. To grieve is to be human so cry that cry and feel that loss, no matter how uncomfortable. It frees up room to feel other things.

What does it look like to hold space for joy?

I think it means to make way for things that make you happy and make those things a priority in your life. Make them a natural part of your day/routine. It can be hard because we can have so many things pulling on us that require our attention but then you find yourself at the end of the day and you've done nothing for yourself. Nah, sis. Pause. Spend time with the Lord, read a chapter of a good book you've been meaning to finish, go for a run, eat your favorite dessert. Do that one or those two things during the day that make you happy. When we allow space for our joy and not expect others or other things to give it to us just to be disappointed when they/it can't fill that void, I think we're more readily available to pour that energy we gain from feeding our joy into the things and people we care about, which makes us happy as well. Issa cycle.

Pause and think about all the stereotypes, expectations, or assumptions placed on Black women. What do you want to say to counter those stereotypes/expectations/assumptions? What's your truth?

We are just as human as anyone else. No more and no less. We should have that space to just be and exist and not be picked apart for every little thing we do. We are who we are and that is not meant to be a trend or a running joke/trope or set some expectation for us to hold the weight of the world on our shoulders and not complain. I am a Black woman who believes herself to be capable of great things and has accomplished some great things already, yet I make plenty of mistakes and doubt myself sometimes and all of that is okay. We don't all fit in one box. I read Nikki Giovanni and Emily Dickinson. I listen to 21 Savage and Celine Dion. We have layers, and are all different in so many beautifully, unique ways and all of it should be accepted and shown love.

"I am home when..."

I feel free to be completely myself. However that comes.

"Justice is..."

Not an option. We must seek justice in all matters. We must pursue it relentlessly. Base our way on it. Our freedom depends on it.

"Love is..."

God

What words of wisdom would you give to your childhood self?

You are enough and loved by God more than you could ever know. What you've gone through is no measure of how special you are nor of your worth. God chose you before you were even in your mother's womb, and He's going to be with you every step of the way in it all. You will heal, and you don't have to live a life in fear of what may happen next or who may hurt you next. You can trust and love fully, and you will be loved fully for who you are.

What words of wisdom do you think your childhood self would give to you now?

Keep dreaming and believing in things that may even seem impossible. You always thought you were possible of whatever you put your mind to. Don't let the world take that from you.

Describe the main theme in a sitcom or movie about your life.

I always say that my life is pretty much "Insecure" but with a Christian focus lol An almost 30 year old, non-profit working, social justice advocate who loves everything about her people and wants to be a resource to those communities, struggles in her love life yet remains hopeful, with a bomb group of friends to support me along the way as I continue to figure out this thing called life all while trying my best to stay in God's will for my life.

What songs do you have on rotation now?

"Craters" — Chantae Cann & PJ Morton because it makes me want to be in love.

"Blame It on The Boogie" — Jackson 5 because it makes me want to dance.

"Back in Blood" because it speaks to my inner gangster lol

"Me in 20 Years" — Moses Sumney because his voice is magic and this song makes me reflect on life.

"Running to You" — Todd Dulaney because it reminds me that I'm living this life for Jesus, and I'll keep going everyday for that very reason.

What's one interesting fact or quirk people may not know about you (that you don't mind sharing)?

I'm really clumsy and love anime. It's so funny when I tell people these things because meeting me you'd never think either, but that's me. lol

Anything else you'd like to share?

Love yourself Black women, and never stop. So many factors in this world will try to make you do otherwise but as Momma Toni Morrison said, "Love your heart. For this is the prize."

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