By: A. Nicole Poole

I’d say life is crazy right now, but that's an understatement. No one would have thought that we would be isolated from the world and under social distancing measures for most of 2020 and now into 2021. And if a whole pandemic wasn’t enough, we have had to process death over and over, my forever sweetheart, Chadwick Boseman, Cicely Tyson, and Black people just trying to live and exercise basic liberties—like sleeping and running. We are all processing the sins of this world. And what we are feeling and thinking does not leave much room for anything extra, like dreams. Who can dream when we are living a nightmare? Or maybe dreaming is what we need; space to hope for a better world and better times. That is where I’ve been lately.

Before the coronavirus outbreak, I spent Saturdays listening to the podcast Truth’s Table hosted by my sisters in the faith, Ekemini Uwan, Michelle Higgins, and Dr. Christina Edmondson.

These ladies bring much-needed insight to issues in the world and the Church as they pertain to Black women. I originally wrote this piece in response to an episode, “Black Girl Dreaming,” but never published it. However, it seems more fitting for a time like this when dreaming is hard.

Michelle, Ekemini, and Christina shared the dreams they had as little girls, what temporarily stopped them from dreaming, and how they continue to dream despite systemic structures that want to squash their dreams. The episode got me thinking about my dreams. I have been dreaming about becoming a lawyer since I was eight years old, and actively pursuing that goal for the last five years. After much deference, that dream is finally manifesting itself.

Growing up, I was the girl who was going to be a marine biologist—swim with the sharks and bring justice to the dolphins. I was also the girl who was going to open a hair salon, vet clinic, write books, marry the man of my dreams (who probably at the time, was either Nelly or Omarion from B2K), and adopt 12 kids, simultaneously. I had to dream big in the husband department because clearly, I needed additional capital to fund these lofty dreams. Needless to say, my dreams had dreams.

However, while I dreamed I could become anything, and my parents had no problem reinforcing that, our environment was far from supportive. My mom committed a drug-related felony when I was two and while she did her time and successfully completed rehabilitation, she was never able to get a job. Once I realized people needed someone to advocate for them, people like my mom, my dream to bring justice to whales shifted to bringing justice to humans who are entangled in an unrelenting criminal justice system.

As I heard the ladies talk about things that hinder them from dreaming or pursuing their dreams, I thought about why I deferred my dream. Earlier in my deferment process, things out of my control happened—like my parents getting sick and having to care for them—and I just couldn’t pursue this dream. Then my mom died and I learned to live with that. Recently, I think more about the systemic constructs that have placed my dreams on hold, such as affordability.

It is no secret, law school is expensive and unless you want to work in corporate America for a long time, the primary advice that I’ve been given is not to take out loans for this dream. Moreover, because of the work I want to do, minimal debt would be the better route to take in order to better serve those that I believe the Lord is calling me to help.

However, it hasn’t been easy holding onto the dream with different forms of rejection thrown at me. Whether it’s my dream school not accepting me or another school not giving me money, it is clear that this going to law school debt free dream isn’t for the faint of heart, but what dream involving people’s liberation really is?

With a pandemic and civil unrest, this dream just keeps getting farther and farther away from me, but I am confident that one day I will be walking across a stage at somebody’s law school with my JD in hand. I will cut the red bow in front of the Frankie Ann Poole Justice Center and do the work of liberation that this country needs. I am confident because of whose I am and what He has called me to do.

If you are struggling to dream during this pandemic, you are not alone. It is hard, but it is not impossible. You can dream and you can pursue those dreams. We all can.

This letter is to every black woman who may have a dream they are trying to achieve. You’ve been trying to get there for a while and it seems like it will never come to pass. As my sister Michelle said on the “Black Girl Dreaming” episode, she dreams for the day that the world is reconciled and all things are made perfect. And as a follower of Jesus Christ, I believe in that too, and I know it will happen. That ain’t no dream.

And because of that, surely, your dream to buy that home or run that company, and even my dream of becoming a lawyer to join in the fight to free marginalized people even in a pandemic, can come true too because our great God, gave us great minds and the ability to achieve all that He himself placed on our hearts. Keep pushing, but most of all keep dreaming.

AviusNicole is a sis of all trades, expert of some in Washington, DC. She’s pursuing a law and public policy degree and during her free time she loves, reading, working out, and traveling. Say hello on Instagram @justicemissionary